good enough

 

Last year.

Last year, we settled into our first home, bought after many, many years of trying to fix the past. Out of the woods and into the sunshine.

Last year, I said goodbye to a regular paycheck, venturing out on my own. Learning trust again. Finding unexpected blessings.

Last year, we finally gave a kid his Christmas wish of eight years: a dog. He earned the money and we said yes.

Last year, we renewed and strengthened some friendships and said yes as often as possible to being with them. Our home. Your home. Church.

This year…

I’m excited to start a new year and am setting out to reach some long time goals. Thankful for the people beside me who are doing the same.

Dropping some weights along the way, and some of this post shared here is exactly what I needed to start this January 1.

Perfectionism is a torment. And I don’t know if you’re battling it too, but it wreaks havoc in my personal and creative life.

Never good enough. For all sorts of messy reasons.

Perfectionism is a thief of joy. Joy, my one word for 2016. I love one word. Invite was my word for 2015 and it did wonders. Opened doors.

Time to step through them.

Going to put more of me out there this year. Going to take walks. Going to publish things I’ve written – online or otherwise. Going to believe in good enough.

Starting here.

“Sometimes you have to accept that you’ll never be acceptable enough for some people. And whether you accept that as their issue or yours — is up to you.” -Ann Voskamp

7 thoughts on “good enough

    1. I am, or I hope I am a Christian with a serious pain pill addiction. I have debilitating migraines, my husband and I have lost our business, home, health and now I feel my heart or will to even live is in danger.
      Can a true, professing Christian be a pain pill addict, on many times tired of living?
      I have tried, unsuccessfully to quit so many times, either because I’m out of meds or because I feel so guilty and know God does not want this for me. But I have been so unsuccessful.
      Prayer, so much prayer for God to help me get over this. It has not worked thus far. I hate myself for this. I have little hope I can quit. I am so ashamed and feel I can tell no one, not family or church.
      I have had a hard life. But while raising my 3 wonderful kids a sober, Christ filled glorious 15 years or so of happiness. As a rebellious youth I abused both drugs and alcohol. Never pain pills though. Not until after some dental work. I immediately liked the feeling I got from these pills. But then did not get addicted until life got very hard while being a full time caregiver in my home. I was caring for my mother-in-law with Dementia and she had a need for pain meds once in awhile. It was here I began to have migraines, back pain, a night of no sleep from caregiving and this is when the addiction , my sin, began to take root.
      It’s been some years now and I just went through a week of trying to quit on my own. Can’t do it. Ended up in an ER for migraines and with a prescription for a few more pain pills. My husband has no work. I have a caregiving job twice a week & am the only one with a steady source of income. I have to function and keep this job so I put off telling anyone of my true problems and put off seeking help.
      I hope and pray I can truly be a true prodigal daughter and give my life completely over to my Lord and Saviour once again. Pills are my god right now. It’s an insidious problem, almost hopeless.
      Please help someone. Is it hopeless? What should I do?
      Thank you for your candid article about your husband’s pill addiction. That fact he has been clean for 6 years is so encouraging. I feel hopeless though as I always fail, I do not want to though. I do not want to hurt anyone with my addiction but it has already taken such tolls. My husband is somewhat dependant too. He has no work, got a felony drunk driving and can’t find work. The pressures for me to keep functioning normally are enormous. But I just want to confess to someone. To seek help from those that truly know what a believer goes through in this hell of addiction.
      I question my true salvation constantly.
      I feel like I’m such a ugly person inside. How can God possibly still live me or anyone else?
      Help.

      Like

      1. Dear M.,
        God loves you, right where you are. Jesus died for us “while we were still sinners” (Romans 5:8) and you don’t have to be completely fixed to be forgiven.
        But sometimes, we hold so tightly to fixing things ourselves that we don’t allow room for God to work. I know that was true for Dave and me. When he finally let people in to his struggle — people who had been there themselves — he began to let go of control. So did I.
        We did get to rock bottom in our marriage and were desperate enough to speak to pastors (who were not as shocked by us as we expected), but where we really found help was through a Christian Recovery group at another church. You need support, help, encouragement, and eventually accountability that is specific to someone battling addiction. You are fighting a spiritual battle, yes, but also an intensely physical and mental one as well. As humbling as it was for us to go to a state hospital for detox, it was the beginning of a long road — twice! You may fall back into addiction along the way. Relapse. But don’t let that keep you there. That is the lie of addiction– that it will always be this way. No. It won’t. Not if you choose to let people in (people who can help, not just anyone) and not if you fully turn over control of your life to God.
        I am going to listen to my husband preach this morning. He is a changed man from who he was 9 years ago. Hang onto this: God loves you. He wants better for you.
        Letting go of control over our life was the absolute hardest thing I had to do in the process, but I think Dave would say the same thing. If you would like to talk more to Dave or me for help finding help or to talk more, message me with your contact information.

        Live one day at a time, one moment at a time. Take the next step toward recovery and don’t worry about what will happen when people know. It sounds impossible, but it is where healing begins. Secrets destroy us.
        Praying for you, M.

        Like

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